I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
