I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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