Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize