We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
