Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
