Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
