I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i believe in u and ur pee
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
