I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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