Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
