my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
