Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
