i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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