Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
