I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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