I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize