My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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