Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
