high people should be assigned attendants
Four minutes until I can fart!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
