Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The uberlube is also flammable
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
