last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
