I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
