If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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