just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
