I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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