hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
