Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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