And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
