Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
