As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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