i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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