I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
