Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
