I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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