Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
