i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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