had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
