Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
