My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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