When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Michael Bay diarrhea
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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