she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize