omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love you.
Bad choice
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