You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
