Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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