you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
is that a dick in a sweater?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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