Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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