like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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