wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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