I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
