fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im six kinds of drunk right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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