A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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