My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
