Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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