we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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