You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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