My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
