I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
