soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
