I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
