I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just threw up on my dentist
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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