I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
