Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize