I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
