i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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