I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
