I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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