ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
