I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
