then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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