Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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